Bert Kreischer Once Stole A Goat While Partying

Jake Marsh 3/7/2022 3:30 PM

Bert Kreischer, Coach K’s Farewell And Monday Reading

On today's Pardon My Take... BERT KREISCHER! The comedian joined the show to discuss his career, upcoming movie, comedy overall, and much more. The guys also got into it regarding the amount that Kreischer likes to party. Today's guest is one of the biggest party animals out there, and he told an awesome story on today's episode regarding the time he was filming a new show and decided a steal... a goat?! Take a look:

Bert Kreischer: I tried to buy it back from Bunim Murray, because it's that fucking funny. We were like, me, Theo Von, and Bret Ernst, "We should throw a party, but how are we going to get girls?" And Theo is like, "Why don't we just hire porn stars? What's their day rate?" And we're like, "It's like $800 a day." And he's like, "Yeah, let's just get like 20 porn stars," and we're like, "Oh cool..."

Bert Kreischer: Next thing you know, fucking chicks are naked, sound guy is like, "Hey, I think he's getting his dick sucked in the bathroom," and we're like, "FUCK!" The producers came out. I am naked in a pool with porn stars. And he's like, "We can't use any of this!" We're like, "We're having a fucking blast!" This dude came up to me, he's like, "I think I cheated on my fucking fiance, man! No, they filmed it! I let her suck my dick!" It was the greatest, we did powderpuff football one day with girls dressed in pads, and the whole thing was that they were going to be better than us because we didn't have pads, and Bret Ernst gave the best fucking "Win One For The Gipper" speech about lighting these bitches up. "I want to see dead whores everywhere!" And we fucking clothesline these women. I mean, it looked like if you let OJ Simpson do what he really wanted to do. It was the greatest pilot you'll never see.

Mr. Commenter: What happened to it?

Bert Kreischer: I have no fucking idea, I drank the entire fucking time. We stole a goat, and we had planned to steal a goat from a bar, you know, we had set it up. And we're like, "Yeah, we're gonna steal a goat." We got the address wrong, and we really brok into someone's house and stole their fucking goat. And then we had this fucking goat in the middle of Beverly Hills in this house, just shitting and pissing everywhere.

Mr. Commenter: You say it like, you stole the wrong goat?

Bert Kreischer: We stole the wrong goat! We broke into someone's fucking house.

Mr. Commenter: How did you know it was the wrong goat, though?

Bert Kreischer: Because they came in with the goat! They're like, "You never got the goat!" We're like, "We have the goat…?" There are two goats?! They were like, "Where did you stop?" We were like, "Sand Canyon." No, no, no… Sand Canyon Street." And we're like… "FUCCCCCKKKK."

There are some crazy things that people do while partying. Stealing a live goat, let alone the wrong goat, has to be up there with one of the most unique stories that I've heard. This was an awesome interview with Bert Kreischer.